WYATT EARP Presents FISH! DOX For the LSD DOX Disks! NOTE: Chapter 3, the bit on the cypheric hints has been left out. All it does is make the game easier to finish and anyway, it isn't included in the in-game protection. This is a prehistoric game but one which had no DOX for it on the LSD DOX disks. So here it is, in whole and EXACTLY word 4 word, line 4 line. It had to be due to the sodden in-game protection. ========================================================================== Department of Inter-Dimensioanl Espionage Memo from Rear-Admiral Sir Playfair Panchax VC DSO FRT The Seven Deadly Fins is the most dangerous group of inter- dimensional anarchists around. They live up to their name in every respect. There are seven of them, they are deadly and have been seen with fins. This septic septet will stop at nothing to destroy all forms of life as we know it. Their motives are profit, strategic advantage and, most of all, fun. They have committed some of the biggest crimes of the century and wiped out entire civilizations, sometimes by accident. At Mission HQ we have assembled a team of crack inter- dimensional espionage operatives in an attempt to overcome this hideous force. We have succeeded in many cases in thwarting the enemy, but so far, the Fins have escaped capture. Several operatives have been caught by the Fins and never seen again. We have one small chance. Operatives can be trained in a technique known as warping and can beat the Seven Deadly Fins at their own game. It is through this process that the Fins carry out their crimes. It may be deduced why this technique is important. This dossier contains instructions on warping for trainee operatives and all the information currently available on the Seven Deadly Fins. If further details are required, contact Training Section through the usual channels. 1.1 ========================================================================== Be careful. Destroy this document after reading. If it should fall into the wrong hands it could be YOUR life in jeopardy. Good Luck! Rear-Admiral Sir Playfair Panchax VC DSO FRT Mission HQ 12/3/98 1.2 ========================================================================== Department of Inter-Dimensional Espionage W A R P I N G F O R B E G I N N E R S WARPING - THE FACTS So you are a trainee inter-dimensional espionage operative. You're in the big league now. Would you like to learn about warping? Would you like to know that warping is a fun, fast and extremely exciting method of travelling through the dimensions? Well, it isn't. Warping pushes operatives through extreme mental stresses. Does warping hurt? Yes, it hurts! But that is whay you're here for isn't it? THe following are first time experiences by other inter-dimensioanl espionage operatives. They should give you an idea of what you are letting yourself in for: It's just like being in a car crash except you're the car. Micky Blowtorch *1 Warping is just like being at the centre of the sun. Your flesh burns away. It really hurts. What I hate most about warping is that the pain never stops. Alice Shad *2 *1 Micky Blowtorch is a highly regarded operative who worked in the Slad Province. He has written a book on his early warping experiences. Blowtorch M.G. [2067] "Warping Along With Blowtorch", Random Publishing, Plin City. *2 Alice Shad has since been retired from active service and now works in out contracts departement. 1.3 ========================================================================== It reminded me of the day I got my first hammer. It was a present from my father. I was so proud of that hammer. I take it everywhere with me. My problem was using it. The only nail I could hit on the head was my fingernail. It was through this experience that I gained my ability to withstand pain. Jimmy "Rocket" Panchax! So there you have it, as it were, from the horse's mouth. And why not? These people know. They are adults. They don't cry. They don't like to admit they're hurt. Warping is not fun. Warping is not glamorous. Mind you, nothing is glamorous, what I meant was glamorous - warping is not glamorous. Warping is a job and we're here to make sure that it's a job well done! The following section answers some of the more common questions put forward by trainee inter-dimensional espionage operatives. Take careful note and remember "A shared fish has no bones." *2 WHAT IS A WARP? A warp is a "convenient method of transferring the mind of a person from this dimension into the body of a living thing in this or any other dimension". So writes Professor Ivan Funn of the University of Mind in his book, "Warps 'n' All." *3 Warps are generated here at Mission HQ by the Espionage Support Team (EST). In their book, Warping Broadens The *1 Jimmy Panchax is the well travelled son of the current head of Mission HQ, Rear-Admiral Sir Playfair Panchax VC DSO FRT. "Rocket" earned his nickname by completing seven missions in six days. *2 An old proverb quoted by A. Halibut [2022] Proverbs I have Heard. Anchovy, Ling and Lumpsucker, New York. *3 Goby, Professor Jeffrey, [2068] Warps 'n' All. Mackerel and Monkfish, London. 1.4 ========================================================================== Mind *1. Professors Basking and Thresher suggest that warps could be created using special secret technique. The book never reveals these methods however so we have had to employ both Basking and Thresher on a large retainer to aid us in defeating the Fins. It is these highly secret techniques we use when creating a custom warp for you. You don't need to know what they are, just that they work. However, since they require a vast amount of energy it can take a long period of time for us to prepare and generate these "holes". The motto is "Be prepared. Prepared to wait". HOW DO I RECOGNIZE A WARP WHEN I SEE ONE? Warps appear as a hole in the fabric of a dimension you are in. It is convenient to have a warp appear on an object, for example, a wall. This is because the brain has great problems viewing objects whish have more than three dimensions. A warp appearing in the middle of a room, for example, is sufficient to drive any untrained being mad. But you are not untrained or at least you won't be when you have completed your training. That isn't to say that you won't also be mad, but that's your problem. [Whether or not you think you're already mad fill out form 61/97/883 and return it to Mission HQ at once.] WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WARP? Warping is relatively simple to accomplish. You enter the hole. It hurts. You end up somewhere else. As someone else. You are now in Host-Parasite Mode or, as we prefer to call it: HPM, because it sounds far more technical. *1 Basking A.B. and Thresher C.D. [2091] Warping Broadens The Mind. Mackerel and Monkfish, London. 1.5 ========================================================================== WILL IT MAKE ME GO BLIND? To quote a doctor on that very subject: "As far as we have been able to ascertain it has no effect on the optical organs whatsoever. Out of the vast number of subjects so far studied only one has developed optical deficiency. Could you pass me my glasses?" *1 HOW DO I AVOID BECOMING A WARP JUNKIE? In the early days we lost a few of our better operatives because they warped too far. Micky Blowtorch for example. A brilliant man with a brilliant mind, but he just took his warping too far. In the end we lost him. He gave up on life and went to lie in a forest. It has been said that "Warping fever takes over the mind and makes you want to warp further away from your starting point." *2 This can lead to certain problems. For example, the operative forgets his starting point or worse still, prefers the place warped to and stays there. Here at Mission HQ, our group of resident psychologists have worked on this problem for quite some time and the results of their research has culminated in what is now known as Voluntary Vacation Mode, or "VVM" for short. This is a short period of intense vacation using limited warping techniques so that operatives can relax. VMM is explained in greater detail later in this document. *1 Loach D. Nicholas [1863] Special case studies of over-active children and fish. The Shark Press, London. *2 Barb, Rosy. [2093] Warping after Basking and Thresher Anchovy, Ling and Lumpsucker, New York. 1.6 ========================================================================== WHERE IS MY NEXT MEAL COMING FROM? While in HPM, the parasite - that's you - can survive on nourishment absorbed by the host. This unique and somewhat novel form of feeding means that we here at Mission HQ don't incur feeding costs for any of our operatives. To paraphase: You and your host can look after yourselves while the crew here at Mission HQ pop down the pub for a pie and a pint. WHAT LIFE INSURANCE COVER CAN I GET? Being an inter-dimensional espionage operative is a commitment for life. You must stand up for all that is decent, honest, good and, or course, true. This means that "when the going gets hard then the going gets tough." *1 You are in command You will meet with dangers and, perhaps, beat ep strangers. And that's just on a good day. You will have to think fast on your feet, nay, on someone else's feet. You will, on many occasions, laugh with Death staring you in the face. Sometimes with Death so close that you have to turn your head away. In fact, sometimes you'll meet Death, go for a coffee, perhaps hit a few bars, grab a late night curry, that sort of thing. You know the scenario. Ands you want life insurance? Get away! There isn't a company outside of Mission HQ that would touch you with a barge pole. It's like committing yourself to a life of perpetual stunt work. "Playing with the special effects of life." *2 is how one operative described it. *1 A. Halibut [2022] ibid. *2 Blowtorch M.G. [2072] Warping Along With Blowtorch (revised edition), Random Publishing, Plin City. 1.7 ========================================================================== IS THERE A DOCTOR TO HAND? The medical facilities here at Mission HQ are second to none. We use the Deep Cold Storage Method, DCSM, to slow down the body's metabolism. This gives our medical consultants plenty of time for coffee breaks. (Union rules 67/4/98 - 67/4/102). While in warp mode you are given a complete manicure. We also ensure that your teeth are given the once over to keep them in pristine condition. Remember "Clean teeth and a healthy mind stop you catching nasty diseases while you're away." *1 CAN I VISIT THE TOILET NOW? Of course you may. It's second on the left just past the nuclear induction centre. Just follow your nose. *1 A. Halibut [2022] ibid. 1.8 ========================================================================== Department of Inter Dimensional Espionage HOST PARASITE MODE In HPM, Host-Parasite Mode, you take over the body of a creature from the dimension you've warped to. Be careful out there, the last thing you want to do is go killing anyone. One of the more dangerous things that can happen during warp is entering HPM when the host is in the middle of a dangerous activity. The following list contains examples of dangerous activites: operating machinery driving a vehicle sky-diving mountain climbing hang-gliding watching soft-drink commercials eating a curry visiting the tax inspector reproduction of any kind feeding a baby or other animal One other place where HPM can cause real problems to Inter- Dimensional Espionage Operatives is if the Host is undergoing psychoanalysis at the time. More than none of our operatives have been assigned to mental institutions. If the Host is under the influence of certain truth drugs, then the operative, as parasite, will speak the truth. Beings who believe themselves to be Inter-Dimensional Espionage Operatives are not understood in such backwaters where three dimensions are considered the norm. 1.9 ========================================================================== PLEASE NOTE Certain drugs used in the treatment of delusion, can also prevent exit from HPM. *1 URGENT WARNING Avoid warping anywhere with less than three dimensions. It has been found that operatives cannotwork in such simplistic conditions. In the early experiments where we tried sending operatives to the smaller dimensions, they found themselves being used as tools of primitive mathematicians experimenting with the so- called Drunkyard's Walk Theory. *2 *1 Refer to "Leaving Warps" elsewhere in this document. *2 Stewart I. The Problems of Mathematics. refer also to: Kac M. Random Walk and the theory of Brownian Motion. In 1921 G. Polyo apparently solved this in three dimensions. 1.10 ========================================================================== Department of Inter-Dimensional Espionage LEAVING WARPS You can exit from a warp in one of several ways. The simplest, providing you are not under the influence of certsain drugs, *1 is to sleep. Another method utilises the Coles Effect. *2 The Coles Effect, to summarise, states that under extreme audio-visual conditions HPM breaks down completely. You leave the warp involuntarily. *3 Examples of such conditions are: Lights flashing at certain frequencies. Repetitive sounds. Extremely bright lights. Loud and heavy bangs. SPECIAL NOTE Warps are nested This means that it is possible to enter a warp from within a awrp. When you leave the second warp you will be returned to the previous warp. This can be the cause of certain problems. Those operatives who are in Voluntary Vacation Mode (VVM) can find that under certain extreme occasions VVM can be suspended allowing the operative to carry out an important operation. *1 Refer to Host-Parasite Mode elsewhere in this document. *2 Coles B. [2092] The Coles Effect, Big Shgark Publishers, Beds. *3 Basking A.B. and Thresher C.D. [2091] ibid. 1.11 ========================================================================== O.K. you wise guys, some of you may think it possible to leave the Primary dimension (here) by warping backwards out of it. We've tried many times. It can't be done. Anyway, there are far more important things to do. PRACTICAL USES OF THIS KNOWLEDGE This information can be used in two ways: 1 You never know, the going can get difficult. And when the going gets hard you may have to leave a warp quickly. To paraphase: "That was close." *1 2 These techniques can be applied to members of the Seven Deadly Fins to expel them from a particular dimension. *1 Blowtorch M.G. [2067] Warping Along With Blowtorch, Random Publishing, Plin City. 1.12 ========================================================================== Department of Inter-Dimensional Espionage VOLUNTARY VACATION MODE After a certain number of successful missions each operative is put into Voluntaey Vacation Mode (VVM). Thw word voluntary is, perhaps, misleading since the vacation is pre- calculated by the psychology staff here at Mission HQ. VVM uses specially created warps. These warps are guaranteed to provide complete relaxation to our operatives. Remember, as one of our operatives you have a choice from our comprehensive brochure, provided you have "clocked up" the correct number of Anti-Stress Points or ASPs. ASPS may be calculated using the following equation: "PS: This little bit in quotes is here by WYATT EARP. It would be impossible to put that equation on here. Ignore these three lines when entering a password" Where P = the number of Anti-Stress Points and n = the number of missions completed since last VVM. [The more astute mathematical minds amongst you may have observed that the equation can be simplified. The co-efficients of the transcendental number "e" can be reduced yielding simply "e" on the top line of the equation. The reasons for not doing so are twofold:- 1) We at Mission HQ hope to confuse the enemy with this dastardly ploy. 1.13 ========================================================================== 2) It encourages the reverse application of Stirling's approximation which would yield an even more complicated and confusing equation.] Here is a small selection from the current collection of VVM's available to our operatives: 3 pts: Gardener Ticket Clerk Car Park Attendant 9 pts: Weljelar of Nan. Television Repair Person Occupational Therapist 25 pts: A King of one of the lesser kingdoms of Swatt A programmer for Magnetic Scrolls Ltd. A piano player in one of the brothels at Hans. (There is a small chance of being shot). 50 pts: A gaseous being of Pnying. A thermal printer. A weighted book. 100 pts plud: A goldfish - the ultimate award for long service. 1.14 ========================================================================== PLEASE NOTE While under VVM your body will be subjected to an Extended Self-Cleansing Programme of ESCP. If you require a shampoo and set be sure to contact your representative BEFORE undergoing VVM. 1.15 ========================================================================== Department of Inter-Dimensional Espionage WARPING ALONG WITH BLOWTORCH - AN EXTRACT To give you some idea about looking after your host here is a short extract from the book "Warping Along With Blowtorch" *1 in which Micky, ace inter-dimensional expionage operative, explains some of the finer points of warping. So there I was, in the thick of it. Things were tough. I was in a small cell, having been captured by the Fins. I decided to take a look: > LOOK Cell This is a small grey cell. The walls give off a faint flow, sufficient to see that you aren't in a dungeon and there is no phosphorescent moss. Some things are lurking in the corner of the room. Obviously a cell in which you could safely stash an inter- dimensional espionage operative. I knew I would have got the same description by entering "L", a recognized abbrebiation for look. Things were looking bad. I tried the following: > EXAMINE THINGS Things are looking bad. > SEARCH THINGS You find nothing of interest. *1 Blowtorch M.G. [2067] Warping Along With Blowtorch, Random Publishing, Plin City. 2.1 ========================================================================== But I might have. That's the point. Searching things could be very important. If an exit looks blocked, that might be the way togo. Of course, I could have tried any of the following: north, northeast, northwest, south, southeast, southwest, east, west, up or down. I could, if I wanted to, cut down the typing by using the abbreviations for these directions: N, NE, NW, S, SE, SW, E, W, U or D. But in this case, as there were no exist, I knew I would have got the response: > NORTH There is a wall in your way. I could have also specified a special way of going in a direction such as QUIETLY GO NORTH or CAREFULLY GO SOUTH or even WALK DOWN or SWIM NORTH. If I had wanted to find out if there were any exits I could have used the word EXIST and discovered the way out. However, as I knew I was surrounded by walls there was nothing I could do except wait it out: > WAIT Time passes. I tried again, using the abbreviation. > Z Time passes. "Hello? Blowtorch? Mickey?" It was Panchax, he usually gets through in the end. "Stand by we're going to open up a warp in your area." There is a loud bang and a small warp appears in the wall before you. I thought I would check out the warp, make sure that it wasn't a cunning trap put there by The Fins. They are capable of anything you know. 2.2 ========================================================================== > LOOK AT THE WARP The small warp is attached to the wall in an alarming way. It appears to lead out of here. This is more like it. An escape provided by those nice people at Mission HQ. It's time to get out of here and zap to pastures new. Just as well because before I had the opportunity to do anything the Fins appeared. "You're not going to get away from us that quickly, Blowtorch." It's Drake Tracker, the one known as "Chainsaw" to his friends and worse to his enemies. He doesn't look friendly but appears to be about to enjoy himself. I had several ways of getting out of this place. I could ENTER THE WARP, ENTER THE SMALL WARP, or even GO THROUGH THE WARP. I took the short cut: > GO WARP You enter the warp and your mind is wrenched from your body. There is a scream, probably yours. There is a sucking sound and it seems you have taken the body of a small stick insect. You have escaped the clutches of Drake Tracker. That was close. If you've never travelled through a warp it's a real experience. Come to think of it if you have travelled through a warp it's still a real experience. How could I describe it. I know. It's just like being in a car crash except you're the car. All of them. Now if that isn't a quotable quote, nothing is. Still, where was I? 2.3 ========================================================================== On a Twig You are in a tree a long way above the ground and it's a good job you aren't too heavy. This twig doesn't look strong enough to support much weight. A succulent green leaf lies close by while above you is a dead leaf. You can climb down the twig from here. There you have it, a case of out of the fireplace and into the briar. But warping is like that, these things happen when you start playing with the special effects of life. Still, what was I to do now? I felt a little peckish so I tried: > EAT LEAF Which one? The green leaf of the dead leaf? > THE GREEN LEAF Yummy! That was delicious. So it looks like I've staved off my hunger. However, now there was only one leaf, the dead one, so I could type: > EAT LEAF Bleahh. The dead leaf tastest aweful but you eat it all up. I could have used, with hindsight, a sentence such as EAT ALL THE LEAVES EXCEPT THE BROWN LEAF if I hadwanted to, but in this case it would have involved more work. > EXAMINE THE TREE The oak tree is big and sturdy. Beneath it you spy an old tree stump. This looked interesting. So I tried the following: 2.4 ========================================================================== > EXAMINE THE TREE STUMP UNDER THE TREE The tree stump is dead and dangerous. Oh well, that wasn't going to get me anywhere. I might as well get out of here. > CLIMB DOWN Tree Truck This is the trunk of an old oak tree. A mature and somewhat incongruous habitat for a stick insect at the best of times. You notice a glowing hole in the side of the oak. > ENTER THE GLOWING HOLD You enter the glowing hole and the body of the stick insect falls away. There is an extreme amount of pain but just before it starts to become fun, the pain goes away. You come to in the body of a man. Your Office Compared to yourold office this isn't much of an improvement. You wonder whether it was worth accepting the partnership when you still have the same chair, the same filing cabinet, the same desk and still no phone. > SIT DOWN You are now sitting on the chair. > STAND UP You are now on your feet. > STAND ON THE CHAIR You are now standing on the chair. This was interesting. But it wasn't getting me anywhere. I had to get out of the room. So I tried: > OUT You get off the chair first. 2.5 ========================================================================== White Passage With chipped white paint on the walls and rising damp, this passage is in a very bad way. It has a small door at its northwest end a white one to the southwest. > CLOSE DOOR The white door is now closed. > OPEN SMALL DOOR The small door is now open. > IN SHOP This shop is very unusual in that not much is for sale. An eager assistant is beavering away behind the counter but he doesn't appear to be achieving very much. There is a small statuette in the corner. Now this was much more exciting. A place I could relate to. A place where I could spend some money. If I had any. It was time to find out what I had. To do this I used the Inventory command. I decided to use the abbreviation: > I You are carrying a credit card and pair of pliers. You are wearing a black jump-suit and a tie. The credit card would do. The statuette could be mine. But first I would take off my tie. > REMOVE TIE You take off the tie. That's better, I can carry out a business transaction now. > LOOK AT THE SMALL STATUETTE The statuette looks most unusual. It's as wide as it is long and as short as it is 2.6 ========================================================================== narrow. It seems to invoke that certain something which brings out the shallowest reviews from art critics. That's all I could see. Perhaps the assistant knew more. > ASK ASSISTANT ABOUT STATUETTE The assistant stops what he is going and says: "Doesn't it bring out the essential you, sir? Doesn't it say 'buy me, buy me'? And I suppose sir would like the price? A mere snip at 1001 clams. An offer I couldn't refuse. I though it was such good value I just had to buy it. Good job I had my credit card, I don't like to carry a lot of clams around in cash. > BUY STATUETTE WITH CREDIT CARD The assistant examines your credit card and looks at you in a stuffy way. "What, MASTERCARP?" he exclaims. "I'm sorry, sir, we only take FISA. Perhaps sir would like to go through the archway and ask Mr. Prendergast, next door!" I could try and walk off with it. But I would have to try something tricky. How about: > TIE THE TIE TO THE STATUETTE The tie is now tied to the statuette. "What do you think you're doing?" shouts the assistant untying your tie from the statuette and returning it to you. "Go on, get out of my shop. Now!" There was only one thing for it. 2.7 ========================================================================== > GO ARCHYWAY Prendergast's Room A mess of wires and papers fills this room. Right in the centre is a large table. So old and decrepit it's amazing that it is still standing. On the table is a small statuette and a jar of pickles. Mr Prenergast is sitting by the table wearing a dressing gown and smoking a pipe. I though I would try something random first. Then it dawned on me: > HOLD THE CREDIT CARD WITH THE PLIERS OVER THE JAR OF PICKLES. "You seem a man of many skills" says Mr. Prendergast. "Here, have this." Mr. Prendergast hands you his business card. Interesting, I admit, but slightly odd. I decided to read the business card. > READ IT The business card reads: PRENDERGAST. Man of many skills. This wasn't getting me anywhere and I wanted Prendergast's statuette. Good job I had a cunning plan to get it. I would invite Prendergast to the cinema and while he went upstairs to change into his outdoor clothes I would be able to nick the statuette. There are several ways of inviting people to places. For example: PRENDERGAST, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE CINEMA? or ASK PRENDERGAST TO THE CINEMA. I chose the more complex but much nicer looking: 2.8 ========================================================================== > SAY TO PRENDERGAST "DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE CINEMA?" Mr Prendergast says "That sounds like a good idea, I haven't seen a move for several years. The last time I went to the cinema I saw Close Encounters of the Fish Kind. Greatr fun that was. All flashing lights and loud noises." Prendergast suddenly shouts "Bang!" and switches the lights on and off rapidly. It's a shame he did that as the flashing lights and the bang happen at just the right frequency to break the host-parasite interface. You are suddenly sucked through the swirling dimensions. It was too late. This was to be one mission where I just couldn't get anything done. It was useless to try any of the housekeeping commands such as PN, which would have listed the current PRONOUNS or SCORE which would have told me how badly I was doing. The problem was how to explain my situation to Panchax. I had warped out. Not the best thing I could habe done under the circumstances. But then again, that was my problem, not yours. 2.9 ========================================================================== Department of Inter-Dimensional Espionage CYPHERIC HINTS This section of the dossier is intended for those inter- dimensional espionage operatives who become stuck in a particular warp. The boys in the back room have come up with some solutions to problems. Because of the potential dangers to our operatives these hints have been carefully encoded so that, should they fall into the wrong hands, or for that matter, Fins then very little information will be gained from them. If you are really stuck then scan through the list of questions until you find one which resembles your problem. Then type: > HINT You will get the response: Please enter hint: You should now type in the letters between "<" and ">". You don't have to type the spaces, and indeed it is better without themm. The hint will then be decoded. If you have not typed in the correct letters you will get the response: Sorry, try that one again. A "+" sign after the answer means there's more to come. Please enter the next hint. The first hint is usually a gentle nudge in the right direction. The last hint may be the complete solution to your problem. 3.1 ========================================================================== That's it! No Cypheric Hints for you! Just play the game - the problems the hints are directed towards are easy to solve anyway. WYATT EARP